my parents drunkenly told me one night that i was conceived on the 7th hole of the country club we’re members at. i figured it was just a joke since i play golf, until i saw their initials and a date just about 9 months before my birthday carved into a tree next to the green. they were not kidding…
no but imagine if you drank too much at a bar and then passes out on the floor and no-one could find your pulse so hours later you woke up in the ER or worse a morgue
Dude fake murders. Frame people. Scare the shit out of everyone. Pretend to be dead.
fail gym because you dont have a pulse for them to measure
CPR class: “can i have a volunteer?”
Halloween…be a zombie. Without a pulse. Hell yes.
… How could you possibly not have a pulse if blood were pulsing through your veins? I’m not a doctor but I think that has to be happening for you to live.
It’s because the blood flows continuously instead of in bursts.
It is called a ventricular assist device (VAD). It is used to replace the function of a failing heart or for short term use, typically for patients recovering from heart attacks or heart surgery.
'What kind of overalls does Mario wear?'
Yep, I laughed out loud
I love the “oh no” like he fucking knows he’s going to hear a shitty ass joke
this is the stupidest fucking joke in the world but i laugh every fucking time without fail
"i am not at all physically attracted to you"
is an absolutely valid reason to not want to date someone.
People had the nerve to call me shallow for this.
By the way, it’s also totally cool to turn someone down without explaining your reasons. You are not interested, no will suffice. Do not feel pressured to explain your decisions to someone else.
this is so important.